This is Stinky Britches

It is spring break craziness around here.  Metro has a two week break.  MDO's break is next week.  Dance Class' break is this week...it's all confusing.  Since we didn't have to rush off to dance on Wednesday after school, I took advantage of the flexible schedule and put Kyle down for a morning nap and then put everyone down for a nap after we picked Aubrie up at school.

But something got to me.  I ran into a mom friend while picking up Aubrie and she mentioned that they were headed to the zoo after school.  The what?!  And a bunch of moms that pick up their kids at my class always go somewhere to do something...like get ice cream, go to the park, a playdate.  AND our school has a huge indoor playground and it is crowded with all these winning moms who pick up their kids at school and let them play in the playground.

AM I THE ONLY LOSER MOM WHOSE KIDS ARE WILD, GROUCHY SAVAGES AFTER SCHOOL?!?!?!

I thought, you know what Kellie, you're just soft.  You're just lazy.  It's time to be a fun mom.  Quit holding your kids back.  Get out there and be a winner.

So today, I'm putting away my walkie talkie and keys, carrying six bags and Kyle in the other hand, and telling Aubrie for the fourth time to put her sweater in her backpack and Emilie looks outside and says, "Mom?  Can we play outside?"  It goes silent.  All three kids' heads slowly turn to me and look for an answer.  I look outside at the beautiful weather and think of all my winner moms who are making me look bad and say...."Yes."

They bolted.  Outside they went.  They didn't look back.  They might have misheard me or I may have changed my mind.  They are jumping on the swings and Kyle's picking up gravel and letting it run through his fingers as if he found a treasure chest of gold.  MOM NEVER LETS ME PLAY WITH THE GRAVEL!

But it's not 3 minutes into that playground when some older kids are running over my kids and they are throwing rocks down the slide and tempting Emilie to do the same.  So I decide to go big time.  I announce that we are going to their favorite park.  We take off for our favorite park and the kids are beside themselves.  We pull up and I smell that Kyle has a stink.  So I unbuckle him and start to change his diaper and then Aubrie announces she has to go potty.  So she pops a squat in the car (relax, we have a portable potty) and we get out and head for the playground.

It's not five minutes into it when Emilie runs up and says she has to go.  So I round all three kids up and head back to the car.  Kyle is flipping out.  He thinks we are leaving.  He goes boneless.  He now weighs 100 pounds boneless.  We get to the car and Emi pops a squat.  We wrap up and head back to the park.  FIVE MINUTES LATER Aubrie runs up and announces loudly that she has to go poo!  Good grief.  We are not dropping THAT load in the car.  I look WAAAAY across the parking lot at the restrooms on the other side of the park and decide to get the stroller instead of carry a boneless whale all the way over there.  So I buckle Kyle in and we hike to the restroom for Aubrie to do her business.

We get back to the playground for the THIRD time and Kyle spots two kids with a soccer ball.  He bee lines over towards them and tries to grab their ball and I grab him.  He's screaming.  I carry him over to the slide to distract him and he just goes down the slide and races back for the ball.  I grab him again.  He's screaming LOUDER and kicking and acting like I'm a stranger trying to steal him.  We have everyone's attention now.  Lovely.  I put him down and he races back for the ball.  The poor little girl's mom tells her to share with Kyle and she is so upset she goes and hides behind a tree and the kids have to stop playing so my spoiled brat can play with their ball.

I've had it.  I grab him and take him behind the tree to thank her and return the ball and then go to strap him into the stroller.  I've got one of those cheap umbrella strollers that has been mis-handled by every Southwest Airline luggage crew you can think of and it has a lot of miles put on it.  Well, Kyle and I put it to the test.  He arched his back, I'm shoving him back into the seat and trying to buckle without pinching his belly fat.  He's still screaming.  Aubrie and Emilie are taking off towards the car and I'm trying to keep one eye on them to make sure they don't run out into the parking lot and I'm wrestling a squeeling pig.  And did you know that Kyle is so big that once you DO get him buckled in, if he arches his back while he's buckled in he can actually walk with the stroller strapped to his back???

It.
Was.
Horrible.

Forget it, moms.  I want to be a loser.  Kudos to you super moms.  I ain't one of them.

But wait.  On the way home, we grab some dinner and the whole time I'm thinking, "What's wrong with you, Kellie?  You are tough.  You WERE tough.  Are you just a quitter now?? You pansy!"

So I'm back to thinking I've got this under control and decide we are going to do an early bath tonight with bubbles!  (Adam is late coming home and as of the last 4 baths, Kyle's gotten in trouble for hitting and splashing and been banished from the bath early)

So in the bathtub my naked babies go.  Look at them!  See?  This is easy! They are so happy!  YESSSS!!  You did it, Kellie.  You rock!  Until...

A floater.

A big.  fat.  floater.

Sonofa.

And you know what.  I grabbed it with my bare hands.  You heard me.  BARE HANDS.

THAT is how tough I am.

I emptied that bath water out, scrubbed the tub, then plopped those kids back in there and shook that floater off like it was nothing.  NOTHING, I TELL YOU!

But seriously, I'm not taking my kids anywhere fun after school....ever.

  

We made up.  I climbed in his crib for some cuddle time because this is my last baby and I always wondered what it was like in there.  And yes, I'm still wearing my Christmas jammies.

When we are in an elevator, or at a store, or at church...anywhere, if an adult starts talking to the kids, Emilie immediately takes over and tells our life story.  But she begins with introducing everyone and it's always, "My sister Aubrie, I'm Emilie, and this is stinky britches." 

senior stinky britches

We had rebound ready drills the other night.  Adam was showing them how to get low and get your elbows out.  We didn't know until she returned to the room with an ice pack, but Aubrie got injured during the drills.  Kyle mostly sucked his finger.

We found Emilie sleeping with her socks on her hands.  She leaves her light on and we have to go turn it off every night.

I hope everyone is having a good week.  A friend posted on facebook that her toddler pulled the fire alarm at school today.  That makes me feel SO good.  Finish strong, my friends. 

Love to all!

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LadyBug Incident of 2014

Nothing gets you geared up for the day better than a major family crisis FIRST THING in the morning.  I stepped out of the shower and Aubrie had come down stairs to talk to me.  She does this every morning.  It's usually to tattle on Adam, argue about the outfit I laid out for her, or give me some outrageous request (can we have donuts and chocolate milk for breakfast?)

This morning she greets me with a ladybug.  And it isn't a pretty ladybug.  It's crunchy and brown.  I asked her where she got it and she said matter of factly, "Silly mommy.  I TOLD YOU, it was in my nightstand."  

Friends, there was this one nice day last month that Aubrie was outside finding lady bugs and putting them in this old Christmas cookie tin and carrying them around.  She filled it with rocks and grass and flipped out when Kyle dumped it all out and she had to save them.  Well, in true Aubrie fashion, she most likely trafficked one of those ladybugs into her room and put it in her nightstand for safe keeping.

This ladybug was DEAD.  Crunchy dead.  

NEWSFLASH:  THE LADYBUG WAS NOT IN THE NIGHTSTAND.  I REPEAT, NOT IN THE NIGHTSTAND.  I just asked Adam a question and he said, "that she found it on the kitchen window sill, it fell on the floor, she picked it up, looked at it, loved it, and brought it in to you.  But yes, that thing was dead."

OK, so now we are at the part where she brought it to me. I asked, "Can it fly?"  "I don't think so." she responds.  So I tell her that she probably misses her family and she should set her outside to play while she is at school today.

Aubrie leaves my room.  This is what Adam said happened next:

Breakfast was ready and I told her to go ahead and take it outside.  So she takes three steps towards the door and says, "Emilie needs to say goodbye to ladybug."  And then it started.  Tears.  A big ol' cry fest over saying goodbye to the ladybug and how much they'll both miss her.  

Meanwhile, I'm in my bathroom and I can hear everything.  Emilie is BAWLING and saying things like, "we shouldn't have said goodbye."  "Ladybug will miss us."  "We will never see Ladybug again forever!!" and Aubrie is sobbing and saying things like, "Daddy made me put her outside."  "She won't ever find her way back."  "This is the worst day EVER."

Kyle doesn't care about the drama.  His breakfast is good!

Adam comes into our room and looks at me and flops on the bed and says that when our daughters start PMSing, he and Kyle are going to check into a hotel or he will be traveling that week and he lays down on the bed.  

I am putting on my makeup and I am giving him a pep talk.  I remind him of the Tinkerbell movie that we have been watching lately on Netflix and told him to go tell the girls that the little girl in the movie had to let Tinkerbell go and not keep her because she had to go home to her family.  Adam is feeling confident and goes back out to the war zone and feeds the girls my Tinkerbell line.

MISTAKE.

Aubrie sobs, "I KNOW DAD!  Jennifer cries in the movie when Tinkerbell leaves and so we can cry, too!!!"  

By this time, I've made my way into the kitchen to make lunches and I grabbed my camera to capture this moment.  It was truly unbelievable.  After Aubrie ate her breakfast, she went upstairs and DREW her ladybug a picture.  This about sent Adam over the edge as he watched her walk outside and lay it down on the patio table "So that my ladybug can remember me and carry this picture around while I'm gone."

 Poor Girls.  Nothing hurts more than the loss of a ladybug.  Adam has never been more happy to leave for work.  Hope you aren't having any meltdowns this week!  

Love to all!

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Morning Glory Muffins

I'm determined to share a few recipes in the next couple of months.  I've said it before, but it's nearly impossible to take a picture of a perfect dish before the natives attack.  When I pull something out of the oven, 9 times out of 10, Kyle is grabbing my pant leg and screaming due to hunger and the last thing I'm thinking about is staging a pretty picture and sharing it on my blog.  Must.  Stop.  Screaming.  

However, with these muffins, they don't have to be fresh out of the oven to snap a great picture that looks somewhat appetizing.  I found these muffins on Pinterest of course.  I was on the hunt for a new muffin to enter the rotation and I was wanting something that was like carrot cake because I LOVE carrot cake.  Live and breath for it.  Adam knows that if I ever have him stop at Publix for something, he better bring home their small carrot cake from the bakery as a little treat for mama.  :)

These muffins are delicioius.  No eggs.  Uses olive oil, applesauce, and honey.  Calls for no sugar!  They also call for whole wheat flour and they are the moistest treat I've ever had using whole wheat flour.  I'm trying to use it more for health reasons, but it makes everything chewy and hard as rocks.  But not these muffins.  Tastes like carrot cake and spice cake.  The kids love the raisins and I've even thought about adding chocolate chips one of these times.  Give them a try.  Kids will love them! 

 Morning Glory Muffins

adapted from www.dessertnowdinnerlater.com

• 2 cups whole wheat pastry flour
• 2 tsp ground cinnamon
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 cups grated carrots
• 1 apple, peeled, cored and finely chopped
• 1/2 cup raisins (optional)
• 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
• 1/2 cup olive oil
• 1/2 cup honey
• 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 2 Tbs chopped walnuts (optional)
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips (optional)

In a large bowl, combine all dry ingredients.  In a seperate bowl, combine the carrots, apple, raisins, applesuace, olive oil, honey, vanilla, walnuts and chocolate chips.  (I always have carrot sticks around and so I just put them on the cutting board and stick my nut chopper on top and chop them into little pieces when something calls for grated carrots)  Combine the dry and wet ingredients together just until moist.  Spoon 1/4 cup into each muffin cup.  Be sure to spray your muffin tins OR use liners.  I've discovered Parchment paper muffin liners and they don't stick at all.  They are FABULOUS!

Cook 20-30 minutes on 375.  Makes about 24 muffins.  Enjoy!

Practicing our basketball skills in the cul-de-sac

 I've been looking up camps and trying to decide what activities we are going to do this summer with the kids.  I checked the Lipscomb basketball website to see what camps Uncle Steve will be working and they have a junior Bison camp that Aubrie is old enough to go to.  We approached Aubrie with the idea and she wasn't too thrilled about it.  

"But I can't throw the ball THAT high." "I don't know the kids there"  "Basketball is for boys!" 

So we found some awesome purple Nikes at Kohls and told her we would buy them if she would go with Uncle Steve to basketball camp.  She agreed.  Good luck Uncle Steve!

Kyle had to wear a hat and wouldn't share the large basketball

Dribbling.  Kyle didn't want to wear his hat anymore so dad had to wear it.  Dad is also good for carrying princess purses and other accessories that we have left home with and decided we didn't want to deal with them anymore.

BALLER!

Some post-church action

Kyle took off down the road instead of taking pictures with his sisters. Emilie had to chase him down.  

Adam's parents were in town for the weekend for a quick visit.  We had a wonderful day yesterday.  It was warm and sunny and the kids got some stink blown off of them outside.  Kyle has been talking a lot this week.  Aubrie was spinning around in her dress (instead of sitting at the table and finishing her lunch) and Kyle said "Ooo Ooo Au-bee" (like a whistle)  It was so sweet.  He also says "Wes" for "Yes"  

All we need is another talker on our hands...

Love to all!

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time outs and ear napkins

We have a rule that the little natives have to stay in their room until 7 am.  That means, if you wake up at 6:30, you find something to do quietly in your room.  It does NOT mean that while your older sister is sitting on the toilet, you punch her in the face.  Aubrie came downstairs holding her face in her hand crying that Emilie punched her while she was going potty.  Adam looked upstairs to find Emilie standing there looking down at him.  He asked her if it was true and she nodded her head and said, "uh hu."  Timeout at 7:01 am.  NOT EVEN A MINUTE into the day!  

A week ago she got one because she walked up to Aubrie, acting like she was going to hug her, and head-butted her instead.  Time out at 7:15 am.

Adam diagnosed her with CBC.  

Chick Be Crazy.

She looks like me, but totally acts like her dad...

We love her, but she's crazy.  She does something daily that makes us scratch our head.  We find ourselves saying, "That's your daughter."  "She takes after you."  "She acts just like you."  "Where do you think she learned THAT from?!"  She frustrates us but makes us laugh all the time.  We had a hard time not laughing in front of Aubrie when she was re-playing the bathroom punch story for us.  A morning punch in the face wakes you up a LOT faster than a cup of coffee!

Adam has had to do a little bit of traveling lately and one day after dinner, diagnosed me with PTTSD.  Post Travel Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I may or may not have been a little stressed out.  After he gets home from traveling I find myself not able to speak in complete sentences, dipping my chip in the jar of jelly instead of the jar of salsa, stuff like that.  He seems to think he's a doctor lately, I guess.

We love when he's home, though.  Books are better when read by Dad.

And naps are better when you wake up with Dad.  Kyle's latest hobby is getting into the pantry and helping himself to snacks and pushing the start button on Roberto the robot vacuum.  

I think he's a better coach than a doctor.  He has been spending the evenings working on the kids' athletic skills.  They run down the long hallway upstairs and practice their jump stops with a trey bop.  Then they move on to their volleyball skills.  They run down the hallway and Adam tosses a small ball up and they jump and spike it.  I'm usually downstairs cleaning up dinner or doing laundry and I'll hear things like...

 "That's a weak sauce throw, Dad." 

"THUNDER!" 

"In your face!"

"Get that outta here!"

In your face

Last night we had a special treat at dinner.  We were in the middle of eating and Aubrie told us her ear hurt because there is a napkin in it.  What do you mean?  She said that when we were at a restaurant, she cleaned her ear with a napkin and it got stuck.  So. Adam turns pale and starts drilling her on what restaurant she is talk about and how big of a napkin are we talking...meanwhile I'm getting the flashlight to see the damage.  Sure enough there is this huge orange gob in her ear.  Way down there.  So we try with tweezers and a baby snot sucker thing to get it out and we have no luck.  By this time, she's sobbing and telling us she doesn't want to go to the doctor and it doesn't hurt anymore.  Adam's dialing the pediatrician and planning what route we are going to take to get to the hospital.  I'm thinking we can wait until tomorrow so I sit down and finish eating.  Sure enough, when the after hours nurse calls us back (and Adam isn't home to take the call because he walked over to get the orthopedic nurse, who is our neighbor, to come look at it) she tells us to wait until tomorrow and take her into our Ear Nose and Throat (ENT) doctor in the morning.    

Napkin-in-ear girl.  I love this "I'm practically an adult and can do anything" phase.  

After we put the kids down and I'm reflecting on why Adam was so quick to freak out over a napkin in our daughter's ear, it finally hits me.  This situation hits a little too close to home.  You see, when he was "between the ages of 5 & 8", (aka WAAAAY too old to know better) he was at the bowling alley with his sister and some cousins and they were playing zoo.  He got assigned to be the elephant.  And when he does something, he gives it all he's got...he went ahead and put a peanut UP his nose.  So much so, that it stops his father's bowling game and they go home to get the rest of the family and head to the hospital.  Thankfully, Granny got him to keep trying to blow it out of his nose and was successful and they avoided an evening at the ER.  

It's all fun and games until someone has to pay a co-pay.

So THAT is why Adam was so jumpy.  It was a childhood flashback.  

Well, everything was successful today and we got the wad of napkin out of her ear with minimal foaming at the mouth and screaming.  I had all three kids by myself and headed to this appointment but Adam insisted on meeting me there.  Aubrie has this reputation of kicking, screaming, and foaming at the mouth at people when she doesn't like what is happening.  Her first haircut was AMAZING.  She is so mild mannered and sweet, but she slapped at that lady, foamed at the mouth, screamed and kicked, and yelled "Get her out!"  

The second incident happened to be at the ENT doctor's office.  I don't know if he was an associate of our usual doctor or some kid fresh out of school, but he grabbed Aubrie's ear and shoved his little looky thing in there and it pissed her off.  I had to hold her in my lap and restrain her by wrapping my legs around her and bear hugging her upper half.  It took her a good year to get over that incident and let doctors look in her ears again without swinging punches.

Spring cleaning...I promise.

I've been doing a lot of spring cleaning lately even though winter came back through and gave us some more snow days.  After I stripped the beds, I had the kids jump on them to kick up any dust and then vacuumed the mattress.  I'm washing curtains and vacuuming under beds.  Finding those missing socks and flipping mattresses.  I enjoy it way too much.

We stopped by to see our buds.  Clockwise starting at the top, we have lovely Lily, Trace, Emilie, Kyle, Aubrie, and Teague.

My kids are going a little stir crazy.  They smell the spring, soak up the warm days outside, and then are mad when we get a couple of cold days and are stuck inside.  Like a bunch of caged animals.  I'm ready to unleash them and start planning my garden and prepping my flower beds and getting the grill out regularly for meal times.  

And yes, I still cook.  :)  I hope everyone is doing well and staying warm.  Stick it out, my friends.  Warmth, flowers, and green grass are right around the corner!

Love to all!

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