This is Stinky Britches

It is spring break craziness around here.  Metro has a two week break.  MDO's break is next week.  Dance Class' break is this week...it's all confusing.  Since we didn't have to rush off to dance on Wednesday after school, I took advantage of the flexible schedule and put Kyle down for a morning nap and then put everyone down for a nap after we picked Aubrie up at school.

But something got to me.  I ran into a mom friend while picking up Aubrie and she mentioned that they were headed to the zoo after school.  The what?!  And a bunch of moms that pick up their kids at my class always go somewhere to do something...like get ice cream, go to the park, a playdate.  AND our school has a huge indoor playground and it is crowded with all these winning moms who pick up their kids at school and let them play in the playground.

AM I THE ONLY LOSER MOM WHOSE KIDS ARE WILD, GROUCHY SAVAGES AFTER SCHOOL?!?!?!

I thought, you know what Kellie, you're just soft.  You're just lazy.  It's time to be a fun mom.  Quit holding your kids back.  Get out there and be a winner.

So today, I'm putting away my walkie talkie and keys, carrying six bags and Kyle in the other hand, and telling Aubrie for the fourth time to put her sweater in her backpack and Emilie looks outside and says, "Mom?  Can we play outside?"  It goes silent.  All three kids' heads slowly turn to me and look for an answer.  I look outside at the beautiful weather and think of all my winner moms who are making me look bad and say...."Yes."

They bolted.  Outside they went.  They didn't look back.  They might have misheard me or I may have changed my mind.  They are jumping on the swings and Kyle's picking up gravel and letting it run through his fingers as if he found a treasure chest of gold.  MOM NEVER LETS ME PLAY WITH THE GRAVEL!

But it's not 3 minutes into that playground when some older kids are running over my kids and they are throwing rocks down the slide and tempting Emilie to do the same.  So I decide to go big time.  I announce that we are going to their favorite park.  We take off for our favorite park and the kids are beside themselves.  We pull up and I smell that Kyle has a stink.  So I unbuckle him and start to change his diaper and then Aubrie announces she has to go potty.  So she pops a squat in the car (relax, we have a portable potty) and we get out and head for the playground.

It's not five minutes into it when Emilie runs up and says she has to go.  So I round all three kids up and head back to the car.  Kyle is flipping out.  He thinks we are leaving.  He goes boneless.  He now weighs 100 pounds boneless.  We get to the car and Emi pops a squat.  We wrap up and head back to the park.  FIVE MINUTES LATER Aubrie runs up and announces loudly that she has to go poo!  Good grief.  We are not dropping THAT load in the car.  I look WAAAAY across the parking lot at the restrooms on the other side of the park and decide to get the stroller instead of carry a boneless whale all the way over there.  So I buckle Kyle in and we hike to the restroom for Aubrie to do her business.

We get back to the playground for the THIRD time and Kyle spots two kids with a soccer ball.  He bee lines over towards them and tries to grab their ball and I grab him.  He's screaming.  I carry him over to the slide to distract him and he just goes down the slide and races back for the ball.  I grab him again.  He's screaming LOUDER and kicking and acting like I'm a stranger trying to steal him.  We have everyone's attention now.  Lovely.  I put him down and he races back for the ball.  The poor little girl's mom tells her to share with Kyle and she is so upset she goes and hides behind a tree and the kids have to stop playing so my spoiled brat can play with their ball.

I've had it.  I grab him and take him behind the tree to thank her and return the ball and then go to strap him into the stroller.  I've got one of those cheap umbrella strollers that has been mis-handled by every Southwest Airline luggage crew you can think of and it has a lot of miles put on it.  Well, Kyle and I put it to the test.  He arched his back, I'm shoving him back into the seat and trying to buckle without pinching his belly fat.  He's still screaming.  Aubrie and Emilie are taking off towards the car and I'm trying to keep one eye on them to make sure they don't run out into the parking lot and I'm wrestling a squeeling pig.  And did you know that Kyle is so big that once you DO get him buckled in, if he arches his back while he's buckled in he can actually walk with the stroller strapped to his back???

It.
Was.
Horrible.

Forget it, moms.  I want to be a loser.  Kudos to you super moms.  I ain't one of them.

But wait.  On the way home, we grab some dinner and the whole time I'm thinking, "What's wrong with you, Kellie?  You are tough.  You WERE tough.  Are you just a quitter now?? You pansy!"

So I'm back to thinking I've got this under control and decide we are going to do an early bath tonight with bubbles!  (Adam is late coming home and as of the last 4 baths, Kyle's gotten in trouble for hitting and splashing and been banished from the bath early)

So in the bathtub my naked babies go.  Look at them!  See?  This is easy! They are so happy!  YESSSS!!  You did it, Kellie.  You rock!  Until...

A floater.

A big.  fat.  floater.

Sonofa.

And you know what.  I grabbed it with my bare hands.  You heard me.  BARE HANDS.

THAT is how tough I am.

I emptied that bath water out, scrubbed the tub, then plopped those kids back in there and shook that floater off like it was nothing.  NOTHING, I TELL YOU!

But seriously, I'm not taking my kids anywhere fun after school....ever.

  

We made up.  I climbed in his crib for some cuddle time because this is my last baby and I always wondered what it was like in there.  And yes, I'm still wearing my Christmas jammies.

When we are in an elevator, or at a store, or at church...anywhere, if an adult starts talking to the kids, Emilie immediately takes over and tells our life story.  But she begins with introducing everyone and it's always, "My sister Aubrie, I'm Emilie, and this is stinky britches." 

senior stinky britches

We had rebound ready drills the other night.  Adam was showing them how to get low and get your elbows out.  We didn't know until she returned to the room with an ice pack, but Aubrie got injured during the drills.  Kyle mostly sucked his finger.

We found Emilie sleeping with her socks on her hands.  She leaves her light on and we have to go turn it off every night.

I hope everyone is having a good week.  A friend posted on facebook that her toddler pulled the fire alarm at school today.  That makes me feel SO good.  Finish strong, my friends. 

Love to all!

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